Life is crazy.
People are crazy.
I think all the crazy people come to my hospital. This week alone, i had a patient who destressed by sipping antifreeze. I cannot related to you the crazy things this person did! peeing on the floor, taking a "shower" (without water, mind you) in the closet inthe room, yelling at me...then, the other patient was a good little church going person, who went bad on morphine. They called me a hussie, haha (which is now my new name at work), and told me that i had better get on my hands and knees and pray b/c i was going to hell for trying to kill them! hahahaha....
Crazy people are bountiful.
I've been really exhausted this week. i've worked 5 of the last days (12 hour shifts). I can hardly stand up straight. hahah. On an up note I've spent most of the night catching up with some friends. I always enjoy seeing what people are up to. And that is one thing I miss a lot not being at school. Social life outside of school, or least in my experience is waaaay different. people all talk about their kids. and Nurses being a primarily female profession, well, it's hard to meet young single guys. Such is life. I imagine that I"m going to end up an old maid. so depressing...
but anways i'm heading off to bed b/c i'm so tired my eyes aren't even open anymore. Goodnight.Current Mood:  exhausted |
Well, I had an awesome weekend. My long time friend Charlotte came up to visit me for the weekend. We had a blast! We did a lot of catching up and reminiscing (sp?) about ppl i went to HS with. And It's got me thinking about a lot of stuff. We looked through my yearbooks, and a thousand pictures I have.
I was a completely different person than I was in HS. And i find myself wondering if other people are completely different. It was hard not to look at pictures and say, "oh, i bet she ended up pregnant and barefoot" or what ever about ppl. But I really do wonder? I wonder also if people would accept me now? For those of you who know, i had an absolutely HORRIBLE HS experience that scarred me for, well, life. I'll give the quick version so you know where i come from on all of this:
Freshman year, august - my best friend since 5th grade comes up to me at my locker one day and tells me that she and all of my other friends have discussed me and decided that they no-longer wanted to be my friend. And They never talked to me again after that. (big ouch). I played in the orchestra, which at HS was dorky, and in ASYO was awesome (ASYO is a BIG deal among musicians). Most of my friends were in ASYO and went to other schools. Not much luck with boys after the self-esteem dump that started off my HS career. Went to college out of state to get away from the awful ppl that plagued my HS.
And now, i find myself wondering what happened to these ppl that i hated so much? Weird. I talked to one of my friends, Betsy, at a UGA football game this fall and she updated me about some ppl. Many are engaged, married, a few have kids already, most people are still in college. It astounds me that this one girl i used to play viola with, jennifer, supposedly has a one year of kid and is trying to get a divorce. That astounds me. I cound myself fortunate that I graduated from college in 4 years, with a bachelors degree, and i have a great job, and no debt. (doesn't that sound good on paper? haha) Where did these people go? I just don't know.
And there are def. a few people that I would really like to know what they are up to- Some, I wish I had had the foresight I have now to realize just how good of a friend they were, and how much more they could have been, had I had my eyes open. You know, my philosophy for life is simple: No regrets. And really, I haven't had any. But as of late, i find myself wishing I could go back and do things over again. Well, not again, per se, but differently. I think i turned out alright, but i would have liked to have seen were some things went. I wish I had had the confidence and boldness that I have now.
I guess the best thing to do is to learn from it and keep on trucking.
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New train of thoughts, sorta, well, sorta...
Well, now that I"m on my own, I have a lot of choices I can make. It's still hard to be in the single girl frame of mind. Like I've said before. I haven't been single in 6 years. That's a long fucking time! haha, i feel like I got a divorce. That's sad, no? But I also truly believe everything happens for a reason. I have to. There's too much chaos otherwise.
I've decided that there are some things that I would like to change, well, improve upon, rather.
1. I would like to work on keeping in touch with people more. I historically have been terrible about this. I "get busy" and then it's 3 years later, and I swore I would write every day. Not cool.
2. I would like to lose some weight. I'm not going to go into this too much b/c no one wants to hear about this. I'm going to try south beach. I want to lose about 20 pounds. I think that means, I need to join a gym also.
3. I want to go out more/be social more. It's hard to go out when you work nights and the rest of the world works days. Esp. when you work weekend nights. :/ I'm tired of being in the house alone all day everyday. I need to do something different. This could mean i need to get a second job....which leads to number 4...
4. I would like to save enough money so that I can travel every year. As you all now Destination 2005 is the UK. Then there's australia, alaska, africa, south america, europe, asia...basically, I want to fill up my passport. :)
5. I want to learn another language. Most likely spanish b/c that's what a LOT of people around here speak, and would help me in my job. Plus, i think it's interesting.
6. I want to never wear ugly shoes again. While looking through all those pics this weekend I've discovered that I used to wear, (well, maybe I still do) the UGLIEST SHOES!! Army looking boots, and other shoes that are too horrible to mention! I wish I had a personal shopper with me when I go clothes shopping. I need a shopping sense so badly.
Well, i think that's enough for now. I'll keep you updated on how I'm doing on my goals.
On a side note, I recently have been talking with one of my co-worker friends about getting an apt with her. She's excited about it, but I"m not so sure that it's the best thing for me. And I feel bad b/c she's excited and I don't want to let her down. I don't know what I'm going to do just yet... problems, problems everywhere...Current Mood:  contemplative |
Hahaha...Boy did I have a weekend to remember!
It started out by me going to the UGA game, (yeah, I know, but hey, it was free tickets and I got to be on the big TV TWICE! ;)
So, we were at the game, and well, GA sucked, and consequently lost to UT. Which apparently was not supposed to happen. You see, UGA fans think that GA is better than everyone period. Plus I guess they think there are some teams that you should just be able to beat. (i.e. Wake Forest - but, we did LOSE to them last year when we were "supposed" to beat them no problem). Well I suppose that what happened here. I mean, Clemson beat TN last year in the Peach Bowl. So take that as you will. But fact of the matter was that TN was on, and UGA was not. Period. Oh, plus the refs sucked.
Then we get to the interesting part of the evening. Krystal and I went to downtown athens. Yeah. Way fun. Waaaay more bars than Clemson. We only made it to 2 bars though. The first one, was OK. There weren't a lot of ppl there yet b/c it was only like 11-11:30 when we got there. Plus ppl were watching the TVs and Krystal spent an hour or so talking to some 50-year-old dudes about football and politics. Yeah...um...okay...
"mmmm...I like it like that, shaking that back, I don't know how to act, slow motion for me, move it slow motion for me..."
So then we went next door to The Firehouse Bar. And that place was packed and hopping. We ordered our drinks. Which I will state now that I only had 2 drinks all night. And was completely sober most all of the night. Now. Krystal got up on the dance floor and just started dancing. We had so much fun dancing. But a funny thing happened. All black guys started dancing with Krystal and then me! Now this place isn't a predominantly black bar, and there sure were plently of chocolate hot mamas in the place. But me and Krystal were surrounded! hahaha! And then they started inviting us out to after parties and what not, (which i declinded all invitations promptly). But man! they would not leave us alone! Now I just don't understand that! So we just danced and danced and had so much fun. But I have to say this, i got THE BEST pick up line in that place -- drum roll please....
"I know I'm drunk and high right now, but why don't you give me your number so we can have a REAL conversation when I'm sober"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! What a REAL WINNER there!! That's just like Winner #2- my patient who was drinking and driving and got in a wreck by himself b/c he was playing with his cell phone, that is 28 and still lives at home with mom and dad asking for my info from all the nurses and respiratory therapist who went in the room. Only two words can describe my answer there too...HELL NO!
But all and all, I had a good time. It was nice to be with people nearly my own age and doing fun stuff again. No one that I work with, except for Krystal is anywhere near my age.
Good times, good times. ;)Current Mood:  crazy Current Music: MMM...I like it like that! |
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Hahaha
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Oct. 7th, 2004 @ 11:39 am
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Your Icecream Flavour is...
Cookies 'n Cream!
Smooth and creamy with a few rough bits mixed in, you are a real treat! You are probably very popular amongst your friends. Remember too much of a good thing is not always good! Don't lay it on too thick!
Hahahaha....I don't even like cookies 'n cream ice cream!!! ;)
See what flavor you are! http://www.go-quiz.com/icecream/icecream-test.phpCurrent Mood: crazy |
Well, here's the count as of Sept 29th, 2004:
Number of Codes I have witnessed in my life: 3
Number of Codes I have been involved with: 3
Number of Codes that have been MY patient: 3
What am I? The bad luck charm or something!?!?!?!?!
The charge nurse intentionally assigns me to the most "stable" of patients on the unit (which I appreciate), but, these people just crash and burn!
Last night, I arrived for work ready to go at 6:35. By 6:45, the patient I hadn't even had a full report on that was supposed to be the most stable, crashed! Then, the patient had to BP...and yada yada yada... I ran around all night like a chicken with my head cut off b/c during the middle of all of this, I got an admission!! And let me tell you, this admission should NOT have come to the ICU. They were well enough to go the the floor. And this person was a very needy person...so that gets on my nerves. But, I got through the night OK! i survived another trial! another tribulation! And I think I came out victoriously! I got all my stuff done in time for the next shift and was ready to leave by 7:15! Whoo-hoo!!
All of this may be a good sign, however, I still feel like i know NOTHING about nursing, esp. super sick ones like we get.
Moral of the story: what doesn't kill your nurse just makes her stronger!!
But I do have a confession to make -- I live for the adrenaline rush I get every time I go to work and stuff like this happens!! I really do like it!! (is that insane or what?!?!)
And now that I have been up for 26 hours straight, I'm going to bed. SLeep well all!! heheh ;)Current Mood: exhausted |
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Current weather: rainy, overcast, and generally grey.
Current mood: see above.
Now, I'm gonna warn you, this isn't a happy blog today. I have just woken up from a hard hard weekend of working and not getting enough sleep.
This weekend I have decided, I no longer want to be a nurse. It is too damn hard, too much thinking involved, and there are damn serious repercussions for any mistakes I make, (and I seem to make a lot of them). I'm tired of people dying, I'm tired of the people that think that things aren't going to happen to them, i.e. smoke for 50 years, end up with terrible lung disease, and end up in and out of the hospital every couple of weeks on the ventilator b/c they can't breathe, and then STILL SMOKE!! I'm tired of the people that won't help themselves or change. I"m tired of the families that sue you for every little thing that happens wrong. I"m tired of people being fine and having a BP of 160/100 one minute and then a BP of 70/40 the next minute when you didn't do a damn thing to them! I'm tired of not knowing anything. I'm tired of running around without a single second to sit and think about what I did and how to improve for a minute. I"m tired of everyone telling me I'm doing fine and that I'll be on my own in a week or too. (for the record -- I don't feel fine, I have a huge anxiety attack any time I"m left alone for a second). and I'm tired of all these stupid kids that drink and drive, race, and vaious other ways that get in wreck, end up flown in and end up on a ventilator for a weeks. (esp, the D&Ds)I'm tired of ppl asking me questions I can't answer. I'm tired of not being on a schedule. I'm tired of cleaning up after other nurse's messes that they leave (consistently, I might add). I'm tired of seeing people die. I'm tired of unsupportive families. I"m tired of the other nurses pointing out my every mistake and going through my charting to find some damn picky thing that I did wrong, then making a huge point of showing me. I'm tired of people thinking I"m stupid. I am NOT stupid!!! I am INEXPERIENCED!!! Once I have had a patient for 2 weeks that has a pacemaker, I fucking know what a paced rhythm looks like. I"m tired of being nice to people I don't like. I don't like wiping butts all day, cleaning up puke and other various bodily fluids, turning and putting butt cream on patients q2 hours that does NOTHING for them, suctioning nasty stuff out of lungs and mouths, telling families their family member is dying and there is no hope. I am tried of trying to decipher what the fuck the doctors wrote, and why they can't talk to eachother about the plan of care instead of coming behind one another and cancelling orders and rewriting them over and over again. Then the docs think it's our fault and yell at us when the stuff isn't done their way. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm tired. I'm hungry and eat all day and night long. There's no 'real' food in the house (just snacky stuff) so all I do is eat junk. I can't sleep well, or much, and when I do it's a weird times. My back is a mess and peeling big thick chunks of skin form the sunburn and it is making me edgey. I'm tired of being at home right now. so grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
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Sorry this was so bad. Hopefully the next one will be cheerier.
Sep. 27th, 2004 @ 09:31 am
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| » Just so happy :) |
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Yeah, I'm just happy today :) Can't explain it exactly...I just am. It's been a while since I have been, so it's nice.
I just finished talking to my friend, Melissa. She and her bf got engaged last weekend. YEAH!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! :) I'm so happy for them! I like them both a lot and they are fun people to be with! YEAH!!!!!!!! :)
More news on the travel thing -- I figured out if I can save $250-$300 a month I can take a big 12-16 day vacation to anywhere once a year. How friggin awesome is that!! Plus - I found a travel company that is group travel for people 18 - 35 only! How friggin awesome is that!! So, I'll have to keep you UTD on all the travel plans. And if you wanna come along, just let me know! the more the merrier!
Europe this year. Australia next year. Egypt the next year. Who knows where else!!
There's some motivation to save money! And Terence, you're coming too! You need a vacation, or a "holiday" as is stated by the travel companies, from work! ;)
Sep. 24th, 2004 @ 08:43 am
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| » going to nowhereville... |
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hahah, look at the time, :-P
well, after a long and exciting 3 days at work, being up for 28 hours straight, and sleeping for the next, 18, here I am :)
I went to go see the movie Wimbledon yesterday. I really liked the movie. I like it of course b/c it is a chick flick with a cute guy that gets the cute girl. (and yes, of course, in my mind, like every other girl's mind, I was the cute girl the cute guy got)But on a more Me-level. this movie reminded me of the childhood, and not so long ago dream to moving/going to UK/England. This little known fact about me is something not many people know. ever since I was a little girl, I have always wanted to move out of the US. And for a while I wanted to move to England. Then I wanted to move to Australia, (which I still want to do). Now I'm back to England. There are a lot of British movies coming out, i.e. Bridget Jones 2 (can't wait to see), and Wimbledon, and oh that other one I can't think of right now. And I'm sure a lot of people might the sounds question of "why in the world would you ever want to do that?!" And my not so sound answer is, "because I do"
now I know travel nursing is something that many of you know I want to do eventually, and I have researched it and looked into it. So when i put wanting to go to england + wanting to do travel nursing = travel nursing in england? Ahhh...the answer seems simple at first. But I did some research on it and it's going to cost me about a grand to get all of my certifications transferred over to England's nursing board. That's a lot of money, in my opinion. So for right now, i've settled to saving up my money so I can travel there, as a traveller (not nursing related) this summer. Any one want to come along?
And, THAT, my dear, is my big news.
I have decided I better go check out the area I may want to move to before I actually get stuck there. What I would really like is to talk to someone who has moved there from the US or lived there. Even more specifically someone who works in the healthcare field over there. I did some research today on it, as mentioned before, and their HC system seems to be very very different than it is here in the US. First of all, that don't specialize critical care/ICU nursing from "general" nursing. And my question to them, is why not?!?! they are VERY VERY different. (they don't specialize OR nursing either..)
On a side note, my sunburn is finally getting somewhat better :0) yeah!!
Sep. 24th, 2004 @ 12:00 am
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| » Today, just a day, just an ordinary day... |
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Well, in the ever so exciting life of myself, nothing much has been going on. well, that's not totally true, but still, things still seem insignificant compared to some others.
we'll start with the weekend and move on. Let's see...oh yes, saturday I went to my very first ever UGA game (as a UGA fan, that is). It, actually, was a pretty bad game. The mighty dawgs only scored 13 points against marshall's 3 points. Now that is quite pityful in my opinion seeing as the match up was like Clemson vs. GT last year (39-3) (and we're not gonna talk about what happened this year...) So the only thing I got out of it was a really !)@*&$&^%@#)(%*&^#$)!#&%^(*&$^-ing awful sunburn that hurts like !)(*#@$&)*$&^%_(*@&#%!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and some dirt on some ppl I went to HS with. Oh, I do like some good dirt ;).
then I worked sunday night and last night. The most interesting case we have right now is not my patient! hahah :) and rightfully not! The person was a trauma that came to us b/c they were found on the side of the road shot 3 or 4 times!!! (one time through the head!) and they're still alive 5 days later!! To me this is the most amazing situation! The person was so badly shot with 7 entrance/exit wounds all over their body and they're still alive!!! (yeah we're either missing a bullet, or one went through a limb twice- you do the math - 7 holes, 3 bullets recovered) Imagine! Modern medicine! WOW. WOW. WOW. Now THAT'S the type of stuff that makes my life seem less interesting (and i'm glad!)
I don't know about the rest of you new grads working, but I don't feel like I learned a darn thing in college!! I think Jennifer said it right when she said:
Nursing school: $20,000
Surgical books: $120
Surgical scrubs: $0
Having no fucking clue what you're doing in the OR because nursing school doesn't teach that: PRICELESS
except for me it's:
Nursing School: $35,000
RN Internship in the ICU: $5000 or 2 years of your life
Scrubs: $300
Having no fucking clue what you're doing in the ICU because nursing school doesn't teach that: PRICELESS!
And you know, I've discovered that THAT is true!! The more I talk to other people about what school was like for me, the more I find that Clemson sucks! How awful is that? I won't bore you with the details, but still, i could go on about it for a while!
In any case...
I found this today on the internet, well, actually it was a link on my homepage (MSN.com) ( I always like to read their little articles everyday) But I thought this one gave me some food for thought on a previous matter I wrote about. The article is entitles "When is it time to leave the relationship?" (http://women.msn.com/302842.armx?GT1=5100)
1. You're no longer getting what you want or need from the relationship. Let's face it. If you're not happy, chances are your partner isn't either.
2. You can no longer communicate with your partner. Everyone has different communication styles, says Laurie Moore, Ph.D., author of Creative Intimacy and Choosing a Life Mate Wisely. "However, you don't want to spend all of your time in the relationship trying to communicate with each other. It's just too much work.
3. You no longer look forward to spending time alone with your partner. You may still have a good sex life, but you don't talk to your partner. You prefer to spend time with other people to avoid being alone together.
4. You criticize or micro-manage your partner. If you're always concerned with some aspect of your partner's personality or appearance, don't look at them — look at yourself. People who are in love overlook minor annoyances and see the bigger picture.
5. You compare your partner to others. When you love someone, you don't compare him or her to others. If you find yourself doing this, you should re-evaluate your relationship.
6. You try to change your partner. Often we fall in love with people who don't suit us. If you find that you're constantly trying to change your partner, it may be time to move on.
7. You don't laugh anymore. Humor is something that all relationships need. If you no longer find his jokes funny, or you can't have lighthearted conversations, it may be a sign that the relationship has lost its zing.
8. You're doing all the giving (or all the getting). Relationships are about mutual benefit. If one partner is benefiting over the other, the relationship is unhealthy.
9. Your friends no longer like being around you when you're with your partner. Your friends may like your partner, but they no longer like the affect your partner has on you. Dr. Northrup says when a relationship's not right, our friends tell us the truth and often are the first to see when a relationship turns sour.
10. You no longer feel good about yourself. Think about how it felt when you first fell in love with your partner. If this feeling is lacking, you may want to look at your relationship.
I don't really know what to think about this, but it does make me think about some of the ways that I've acted in previous relationships, and the way that some of my friends act/have acted in their relationships. I just wonder - does this work for roommates too? Hahaha :) - that was supposed to be a joke, laugh at me, laugh at my joke, I don't care, just laugh :) (you'd get it if you knew my history with roommates).
well, I guess i'm going to go finish my girly beer, and yes I know it's 7 am. But oh well. It's been a long night. And Terence I'm sure you know what I"m talking about.
Sep. 21st, 2004 @ 07:52 am
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| » Made it through another day (or night to the rest of the world) |
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Well, I just made it through another day -- successfully I might add! This was a much better day (or night...you get the idea). Only 1 patient died tonight (and for once it wasn't mine!!) I did want to say though, I learned a lot (as I usually do), but one thing I did today really, well, you'll see. I did LEECH THERAPY!!! on a patient today!! How freaky is that? I had to pull one of the little buggers out of a 2 gallon jar full of swimming ones! And if you've never seen one before, as I haven't -- don't worry - you're not missing anyhting! they look like gross little black slugs that have INCREDIBLE suction power on their mouths and swim to the scent of blood. (can we say sharks of the fresh water?) blah!! and the lady who we had to put the leeches on just picked up the darned thing and played with it until it attached! G-R-O-S-S!!!!!
who knew we still did crazy things like that! I thought it was all 14th century crazy docs who bled everyone to rid of the evil spirits that plagued bodies. But I guess there are some things that man can't make better than nature.
On a side note, I want to do something fun this weekend. Got any ideas??
Sep. 15th, 2004 @ 07:28 am
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